A little bit of background before I go on with this:
My dad and I have ALWAYS clashed with ideas. He's Arab, and my mom is Austrian. I grew up here in America, so I guess I am what some people call me "Liberal." And yes I'm Muslim too. I wear the scarf, and try to dress modestly (try is key word), but that wasn't enough for my father. He didn't like me talking to boys, he didn't like the clothes I wore, he didn't like my friends, and he didn't want me to continue my education after my bachelor's. Some would call him VERY traditional.
Not to add, he was VERY abusive with both my brother and I, more me, since I'm the girl. Thank God he wasn't with my mom, but he was still emotionally abusive with her.
Anyways, long story short, he wanted me to get married since I was 16 or so, and I kept finding excuses. Finally, after college, I was out of excuses.... So he starting bringing me suitors. About one or two a month. I kept rejecting them, to the point where he said 'If you say no one more time, I will disown me." Needless to say, I said no... So me, my mom, and my brother picked up our bags and moved out of his house. He didn't make it easy on us, but thank God we did it....
I stopped talking to him at that point. I never said bye to him, or anything. He still talks to my mom and brother, but not me.. I am the evil child, remember.
So recently he came back from a LONG ASS trip to Middle East, where I guess his family talked him into contacting me again... So he called me, and I never answered... What the hell was I going to say to him??? I e-mailed him and we e-mailed back and forth... Just kinda updating him on what I was doing... He was SOOOOOO nice in his e-mails, with words like "sweetheart," and then things like "I miss you," "hugs and kisses." Things he's NEVER said to me as I was growing up.I think I rarely heard the words "I love you."
So on my birthday, I got this e-mail... here is part of it:
"I want to wish you a very happy birthday and wish you happiness in your next year and the years after. I wish that I will be with you to kiss you and wish you a happy birthday baba. I miss you sweetie.
Your daddy"
WOW... I was pretty surprised at the e-mail.... So I wrote back thanks and hopefully we can meet in the near future.
I guess I still haven't really forgiven my father for everything he's done.. But like people say, I should forgive him for MYSELF... to take that burden off my back.
I AM going to wait a bit, because I need to prepare myself for this meeting. And prepare my husband who hates him because of everything he knows.
My only worry is that what if he tries to come to my events, what if he tries to be a big part of my life? But I talked to a friend today and he said that I'm controlling the situation, and I should do things as I am comfortable.
We'll see what happens. Will keep you updated on this dreaded, yet possibly much needed, meeting...
People say a lot of things, huh? "You should...", or "you must...", or "you have to...", used to make my hair stand on end. Things like, "you must meditate (my way) to connect with God/Buddha/Mohammed/Walt Disney". I think to myself, obviously you have to.
ReplyDeleteI bet that roller coaster ride your emotions took off on as soon as you saw that email in your inbox, was stomach turning. I have a good idea why you've already decided to see him. Pros and cons, various scenarios, round and round. And this isn't the first time.
You and I both know you're not evil, but you've committed a heinous crime, obviously. Which, in my experience, carries a life sentence with no hope of parole. It's hard time too. Thankfully, it can't be enforced unless you agree to it.
Who would have thought that simply because you were born to be uniquely you, with your own mind, preferences and desires, you'd be condemned for choosing to be so? Boggles the free thinker's mind.
Anywho, it's your life, and in just in case you didn't get the memo from HQ, you get to choose how to live it. What if he tries to be a big part of your life? He could only do so with your permission, and say you allowed that; you still get to choose who's opinion is more important to you, his or your's.
Lots of love to you, Zee!
Erica, your words really carry a depth... and I can see you may be either familiar with the situation, or know someone who has been. My stomach DID turn when I saw the e-mail... and I didn't know what to think. Is he for real? Is he doing this just for his reputation in the Arab community? Who knows...
ReplyDeleteBut like you said, I will be controlling of the situation, I will choose how far to bring him into my life. And in the end, I know my opinion, and the way I see myself are more important to me than what he thinks.
My friend told me, it may be a bad idea to see him. But I responded, he can't hurt me more than he has already... What do I have to lose?
Again, thanks for your lovely comment :) You sound like a strong woman!
Lots of love to you too, Erica!