Sick of Feeling Sick

I usually don't let myself feel sorry for myself for ANYTHING...but tonight I am feeling sorry. I changed my work schedule today to have the time to go to a wedding tonight in Dearborn, and when I got to work this morning I was feeling a little iffy. Throughout the day, I felt like I was kinda getting worse...

So I drive to Dearborn after getting all my stuff ready-- my dress, my makeup, my hair stuff -- and on my way there I was still debating if I should go to the wedding cuz I was feeling sick to my stomach. I got to Dearborn either way, hoping it would wear off, and of course it didn't. I did my mom's makeup, and drove home.

Being sick today is not what upsets me... I'm not even THAT upset about missing the wedding. What makes me mad, is that I have been sick for over a year now. OVER A YEAR. I've had an endoscopy.. I've taken all kinds of pills for my stomach, I've had a sonogram, I'm taking more pills, I got off birth control already.

I still get nauseas and dizzy... and light headed.. and kinda acidy. And no freaking doctor can tell me why.. I've seen 4 doctors in a year.

As I look back, my life is so pathetic now. I was sick on my WEDDING day.. I felt like shit on my wedding... how sad is that? I never look forward to events because I think to myself, what if I get sick... what if I feel like crap and I'm far from home. I feel like I've started to contain myself to my apartment, and pass up events or opportunities because I'm not feeling good. Something needs to change. There has to be SOMETHING wrong... right?

Not that my life sucks... I'm not saying that at all. I have great friends, a good job (well, sort of), a home, a great mom and brother... But how can I enjoy it all when I feel like crap half the time???

Well, that's my rant.. and this is me feeling sorry for myself.. I try not to do it often, I promise... but today I just do. :(

Time to nap this feeling (hopefully) away.